californiamediationsolutions

Timing Is Everything

lcrlaw@live.com (Laura Rosauer) — Tue, 31 Jul 2018 13:54:04 GMT

Like it or not, the tax laws are changing. New tax laws that take effect January 1, 2019 may also impact your divorce. Understanding the new tax laws may help you decide if it's better to complete your divorce by December 31 or wait until the new year. The attached article provides a good summary.
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/your-money/divorce-tax-law.html?smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-ipad-share

Whether you divorce in 2018 or wait until next year, California Mediation Solutions will help you resolve your divorce timely, efficiently, and cost-effectively. Call today for a free consultation. 951-328-8400.

Declaring Your Independence

Wed, 18 Jul 2018 00:00:00 GMT

July is all about celebrating our independence, but if you're getting divorced, do you know how to create your own freedom and independence in your new life?

Freedom. Independence. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.

It’s July, and with our Independence Day celebrations just behind us, we can’t help but take a look at and reflect on our own independence.

Where have you given yourself freedom in the past?

How does your independence look today in your everyday life?

Where are you wishing you had more freedom and independence?

For couples going through separation or divorce, this can be a tricky subject to navigate as the relationship shifts.

I see this in my office a lot as couples look to separate from one another and create new lives that are independent from each other. In mediation, I suggest the couple work together as much as possible to prevent unnecessary heated arguments and to find mutually beneficial solutions.

But when people are fighting to break free from the marriage, tensions can run high. The couple has been operating as one unit for a particular period of time and creating independent lives takes a certain willingness to navigate into new territory.

Couples who have been married often lose sense of boundaries within the relationship. And independence is all about boundaries – setting them, negotiating them, and adjusting them.

Set & Communicate

For the newly separated, boundaries with your ex must be established and communicated early on.

Perhaps you’re accustomed to certain roles and habits that will no longer work in your new relationship status. Being clear on your expectations of what the relationship will now look like helps avoid issues down the road.

For instance, will your ex be allowed in your house when picking up the kids? Will you discuss your dating life with your ex if dates will be around your children? At what point will you each share details of your life that could affect your children?

Imagine your life apart from your ex and make a list of what your boundaries and expectations would be. Encourage your ex to do the same and have a discussion so you each have the opportunity to share your wants and concerns. Being upfront can save a lot of fights and headaches down the road.

Negotiate

Keep in mind that boundaries are not an excuse to draw a line in the sand or build a brick wall. This is about setting expectations and being clear on what you need to live an independent life. It’s not about creating more ways to fight with your ex. Approach this process with an open mind to reap the full benefits.

Most likely, there will be some negotiating to reach the best solutions that work for you both. If certain boundaries make you uncomfortable, share your concerns and work openly to find a solution. If your ex questions your desires, be open to negotiating. There is a time to be firm and there’s a time to be flexible.

Adjust

Life is constantly changing. The boundaries you imagined and put in place might not end up serving you the best down the road.

Certain expectations may be in place while your children are in school, while summer creates reason for new adjustments. Maybe you or your ex is getting married and expectations need to be discussed to make room for a new parental figure. Once your children turn 18, there could be new issues that arise and need to be addressed.

Again, open communication and willingness is the best course of action.

Your independence is worth fighting for, but it doesn’t have to be a nasty fight. Understanding boundaries and expectations ensures you’re on the same page and you can maintain your newfound freedom, even while co-parenting. Look for ways to enjoy your freedom and independence as you move through the divorce process.

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Changes in Tax Laws Affect Spousal Support

lcrlaw@live.com (Laura Rosauer) — Thu, 15 Feb 2018 20:37:27 GMT

Will the new tax laws affect your divorce?

Divorce or legal separation can be an emotional and financial rollercoaster. When one spouse makes more than the other spouse, the Court may order the higher income earner to pay the other spouse alimony, or spousal support. For as long as most of us divorce attorneys can remember, spousal support has been a tax deduction for the payor spouse and taxable income to the spouse receiving it.

However, that's all about to change.

Commencing January 1, 2019, spousal support will no longer be a federal tax deduction for the payor spouse and will not be taxable income to the paying spouse. Since the new tax law only affects spousal support orders made on or after January 1, 2019, divorce attorneys and the courts expect this will increase the number of divorces in 2018.

California's current spousal support guidelines (Family Code section 4320), were constructed with tax provisions in mind. However, with the changes to the federal tax laws starting January 1, 2019, this could impact the amount of spousal support. For example, if the payor's taxes increase, the amount of spousal support will likely decrease. This, in all likelihood, will affect child support if the payor has less income available after taxes to pay child support.

The changes in the federal tax laws may give some unhappy couples an incentive to untie the knot and resolve their divorce case before the end of 2018. California Mediation Solutions has helped divorcing couples determine the appropriate amount of spousal support in order to reach an agreement outside of court. Contact us today for a free consultation to see how divorce mediation can resolve your case before the tax laws change. 951-328-8400

You should consult your accountant or tax advisor to see how these tax law changes will affect you.

Things are heating up! How to handle heated arguments

Thu, 14 Aug 2014 16:00:00 GMT

Summer is officially in full swing and things have been heating up around the U.S. Sweat is beading on our foreheads and we’re looking for ways to cool down, while still enjoying the sunshine and outdoors...

Air conditioning, cool ocean breezes, fans – sometimes we just need some instant relief. And boy does it feel good when you feel the cool air on your skin.

Kids especially are great at finding fun and fast ways to cool off – running through sprinklers in the yard, doing cannonballs into swimming pools, and frolicking in the waves of the Pacific.

Their relief is instant and enjoyable.

So how do we cool off when it’s our emotions that are what’s heating up?

Separation and divorce are breeding grounds for heated arguments, but it’s important to keep your cool so you can continue to work amicably with your ex and achieve the best possible outcome.

We can learn a few things by watching our kids and seeing how quickly they cool themselves when they get too hot.

Remember these ideas to keep your cool when faced with heated arguments:

1. Breathe

Yes, it’s really that simple. There’s a reason why people swear by yoga and meditation. And you don’t have to become a yogi to put this into practice.

Deep breathing is relaxing and has been scientifically proven to affect the brain, the heart, digestion, and the immune system. Deep breathing acts like an automatic stress reducer in your body!

So there’s really something to be said for taking a step back and counting to 10 while you take deep breaths. Turn all of your focus towards your breath in the moment and then return to the situation feeling calmer and with a clearer head.

It’s instant stress relief and cool down.

2. Understand control

This is a big one for couples going through separation where at least one person is always ready for a battle or to manipulate the situation.

Remember that you can only control yourself and your reaction. You have no control over the other person and they can’t control you either.

When we focus on ourselves, our own emotions, and our reaction, the awareness allows us to better handle what comes our way.

You can choose to yell or say intentionally hurtful things. Or you can choose to listen, stay calm, and keep your side of the street clean. Even if the other person is yelling and animated, it’s your choice to respond in the same way or to respond calmly with grace.

There’s a relief that comes with understanding control and you’ll be able to separate yourself from the heated emotions when you begin to only take responsibility for yourself.

3. Find agreements

Any heated situation immediately loses its fire the moment a point of mutual benefit is identified. You can shift the conversation by looking for agreements and places of mutual interest with your ex.

Highlight the areas where you already agree or you’re close to agreements. Move the conversation to these points and then begin to branch out from there.

When things have gotten heated, it’s helpful to bring you both together again in agreement. It reminds you both what you’re striving for and keeps you focused on the goals at hand, rather than just getting caught up in emotion.

So how do you cool off when things get a bit too heated?

Enjoy the final days of summer before school starts again and remember to enjoy the sunshine, but keep the heat out of your divorce.

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Summer Vacation Planning for Divorced Parents - Co-Parenting When the Heat is On

Mon, 16 Jun 2014 13:45:00 GMT

And don’t forget to plan financially! Summer camps and increased childcare throughout the summer will cost money. Make a plan to cover these expenses and ensure both parties understand who’s in charge of what.

Ah, summer!

The bright sun, hot days, and thirst-quenching lemonade. Kids running around the neighborhood laughing with delight.

Oh yes, the kids! Out of school and with lots of time to fill, it’s time to plan for summer vacation.

While you may have already addressed custody in mediation, summer vacation has a way of shaking up even the most carefully laid plans. With kids now out of school for months, it will take some planning to ensure they are cared for during the day and that they can enjoy their summer to the max.

It’s also the season for family vacations, and for divorced parents, this most likely means two separate vacations to plan, with both parents wanting to enjoy quality, fun time with the kids.

As with most things divorce related, there’s a hard way and easy way. Of course, I suggest taking the easy way and working together to ensure you, your ex, and your children have the best summer possible.

There’s a few key pieces to making the easy way work for you:

Planning –

There is more planning required over the summer months to fill the gaps in childcare, plus keep up with things like vacations and summer camps. Planning ahead of time is absolutely critical to ensure everything falls into place.

Not only does this planning ensure both parents are on board, it helps the children know their schedule. Kids like routine and structure, so while their typical routine may be adjusted, they will benefit from knowing their schedule and when they will be seeing each parent.

Communicating –

Along with planning, great communication between parents is absolutely essential. Sharing your own schedule for vacations and your expectations for custody arrangements throughout the summer goes hand-and-hand with planning. Additionally, communicating any changes and concerns that come up are important in working together to find mutually beneficial solutions. Speaking of which…

Keeping the peace –

Remember this isn’t personal, it’s about the kids.

It’s important that you are comfortable with the arrangements and care for your children. And it’s equally important that you balance this with an understanding of your ex-partner’s point of view. A plan that works for you and not for your ex, isn’t going to solve problems and will just cause more resentment in the future.

Just like the divorce process, keep things focused on the business at hand and keeping peace in your co-parenting relationship.

Summer vacation should be a time of play and laughter. And it can be with the right approach to co-parenting in place.

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Father's Day

Thu, 14 Jun 2012 19:52:00 GMT

Father's Day is right around the corner. It is a family holiday where we celebrate what we love about our dads. However, if your family is impacted by divorce, Father's Day can be stressful. We want to encourage mom's this year to be a model for their kids. If you want to teach your children to value other people, then show them how it is done. Take a moment and