Blog Post

Declaring Your Independence

  • By Laura Rosauer
  • •
  • 18 Jul, 2018
  • •
July is all about celebrating our independence, but if you're getting divorced, do you know how to create your own freedom and independence in your new life? 
Freedom. Independence. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
It’s July, and with our Independence Day celebrations just behind us, we can’t help but take a look at and reflect on our own independence.
Where have you given yourself freedom in the past?
How does your independence look today in your everyday life?
Where are you wishing you had more freedom and independence?
For couples going through separation or divorce, this can be a tricky subject to navigate as the relationship shifts.
I see this in my office a lot as couples look to separate from one another and create new lives that are independent from each other. In mediation, I suggest the couple work together as much as possible to prevent unnecessary heated arguments and to find mutually beneficial solutions.
But when people are fighting to break free from the marriage, tensions can run high. The couple has been operating as one unit for a particular period of time and creating independent lives takes a certain willingness to navigate into new territory. 
Couples who have been married often lose sense of boundaries within the relationship. And independence is all about boundaries – setting them, negotiating them, and adjusting them.
 
Set & Communicate
For the newly separated, boundaries with your ex must be established and communicated early on.
Perhaps you’re accustomed to certain roles and habits that will no longer work in your new relationship status. Being clear on your expectations of what the relationship will now look like helps avoid issues down the road.
For instance, will your ex be allowed in your house when picking up the kids? Will you discuss your dating life with your ex if dates will be around your children? At what point will you each share details of your life that could affect your children?
Imagine your life apart from your ex and make a list of what your boundaries and expectations would be. Encourage your ex to do the same and have a discussion so you each have the opportunity to share your wants and concerns. Being upfront can save a lot of fights and headaches down the road.
 
Negotiate
Keep in mind that boundaries are not an excuse to draw a line in the sand or build a brick wall. This is about setting expectations and being clear on what you need to live an independent life. It’s not about creating more ways to fight with your ex. Approach this process with an open mind to reap the full benefits.
Most likely, there will be some negotiating to reach the best solutions that work for you both. If certain boundaries make you uncomfortable, share your concerns and work openly to find a solution. If your ex questions your desires, be open to negotiating. There is a time to be firm and there’s a time to be flexible.
 
Adjust
Life is constantly changing. The boundaries you imagined and put in place might not end up serving you the best down the road.
Certain expectations may be in place while your children are in school, while summer creates reason for new adjustments. Maybe you or your ex is getting married and expectations need to be discussed to make room for a new parental figure. Once your children turn 18, there could be new issues that arise and need to be addressed.
Again, open communication and willingness is the best course of action. 
 
Your independence is worth fighting for, but it doesn’t have to be a nasty fight. Understanding boundaries and expectations ensures you’re on the same page and you can maintain your newfound freedom, even while co-parenting. Look for ways to enjoy your freedom and independence as you move through the divorce process. 
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Timing Is Everything

By Laura Rosauer • 31 Jul, 2018
Like it or not, the tax laws are changing.  New tax laws that take effect January 1, 2019 may also impact your divorce.  Understanding the new tax laws may help you decide if it's better to complete your divorce by December 31 or wait until the new year.  The attached article provides a good summary.  
https://www.nytimes.com/2018/07/27/your-money/divorce-tax-law.html?smprod=nytcore-ipad&smid=nytcore-ipad-share

Whether you divorce in 2018 or wait until next year, California Mediation Solutions will help you resolve your divorce timely, efficiently, and cost-effectively.  Call today for a free consultation.  951-328-8400.

Changes in Tax Laws Affect Spousal Support

By Laura Rosauer • 15 Feb, 2018
Divorce or legal separation can be an emotional and financial rollercoaster.  When one spouse makes more than the other spouse, the Court may order the higher income earner to pay the other spouse alimony, or spousal support.  For as long as most of us divorce attorneys can remember, spousal support has been a tax deduction for the payor spouse and taxable income to the spouse receiving it.  

However, that's all about to change.

Commencing January 1, 2019, spousal support will no longer be a federal tax deduction for the payor spouse and will not be taxable income to the paying spouse.  Since the new tax law only affects spousal support orders made on or after January 1, 2019, divorce attorneys and the courts expect this will increase the number of divorces in 2018.

California's current spousal support guidelines (Family Code section 4320), were constructed with tax provisions in mind.  However, with the changes to the federal tax laws starting January 1, 2019, this could impact the amount of spousal support.  For example, if the payor's taxes increase, the amount of spousal support will likely decrease.  This, in all likelihood, will affect child support if the payor has less income available after taxes to pay child support.  

The changes in the federal tax laws may give some unhappy couples an incentive to untie the knot and resolve their divorce case before the end of 2018.  California Mediation Solutions has helped divorcing couples determine the appropriate amount of spousal support in order to reach an agreement outside of court.  Contact us today for a free consultation to see how divorce mediation can resolve your case before the tax laws change.  951-328-8400

You should consult your accountant or tax advisor to see how these tax law changes will affect you.

Things are heating up! How to handle heated arguments

By Laura Rosauer • 14 Aug, 2014
Summer is officially in full swing and things have been heating up around the U.S. Sweat is beading on our foreheads and we’re looking for ways to cool down, while still enjoying the sunshine and outdoors...

Summer Vacation Planning for Divorced Parents - Co-Parenting When the Heat is On

By Amy Ramsey • 16 Jun, 2014
And don’t forget to plan financially! Summer camps and increased childcare throughout the summer will cost money. Make a plan to cover these expenses and ensure both parties understand who’s in charge of what.

Father's Day

By Kelly Higdon • 14 Jun, 2012
Father's Day is right around the corner. It is a family holiday where we celebrate what we love about our dads. However, if your family is impacted by divorce, Father's Day can be stressful. We want to encourage mom's this year to be a model for their kids. If you want to teach your children to value other people, then show them how it is done. Take a moment and
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